I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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