so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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