she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
