420 ftw
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
