We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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