oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
