I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
