alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
