My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
