When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
