I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
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The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
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Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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