I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I've blown a few things in my day
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
