i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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