Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I pour the whiskey from now on
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
