dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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