More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
