It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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