I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
