we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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