you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just invented taco cereal.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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