can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
