She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
