not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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