Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Who died my cat blue again?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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