We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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