you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
