i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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