My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
