Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
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