Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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