Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
