Your dad touched me again.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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