i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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