That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
