I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize