The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
