Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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