I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
