My hand turned me down
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
