I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
