guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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