More tranny stories later!
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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