I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
