dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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