Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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