Sober January is a disaster.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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