Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
