Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
