mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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