i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
