I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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