How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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