Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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