There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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