You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
