I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
