I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
