ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
