Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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